I'm taking a shower and then spending the day with Garrett. Last night was amazing. Kallie's party was fun.

You know?

I don't even care that all of my attention is focused on you. I love every part of you, from your head to your toes. You are everything to me and you are all that matters. I just want you. Only you. I promise.

Page 4 of 366.

"You are the best thing that's ever been mine."

Mario's got Holly, I've got you. But I'm done trying to be cute if you won't put any effort in it. You have to try, because I'm done. One time I'd like a good morning text. Why is it so hard for you to act like you care?

Page 3 out of 366.

I am soooo sick. I got home and just laid and slept and died.
I'm still kind of worried but I hope nothing is wrong with Garrett and I. We have a class together next semester and then lunch. Yay:)

Chapter 2012; Page 2 out of 366.

Garrett's coming over for the first time today after his haircut. Hopefully this will fix the hole I feel. I have to do a shit-ton of homework that I forgot to do over break.

Reflection;

I really don't know how to start.

2011 was a big year.
I found friends and lost them, I loved and I lost. That same old shit. I lost a pure best friend, but I made a thousand new ones.

Mario, I still miss your scar on your chin, but Garrett's got a birth mark on his foot. I'm glad you've got someone now, even if it isn't official. I'm glad I got the closure from you that I needed, that last kiss was perfect. Thank you for what our relationship made me, I think maybe a part of me will always love you. But. Just, thanks.

Garrett, I honestly believe I'm on the way to loving you. Happy almost 2 months.

A letter to myself;

This year will be hard. Your grades are going to suffer big time this first semester, but second semester you will be okay. You will lose plenty of friends, but you will earn many more. Hopefully this doesn't happen, but if Garrett ever leaves, remember that eventually, no matter how sad you are or will be, somebody WILL come sweep you off your feet again just like someone did the first time. Please have hope and don't ever quit smiling. Don't cry. Okay, cry. But not for too long, because you are a beautiful person, inside and out. You deserve to be happy just like everyone else seems. If anything gets you down, which it will, you just have to remember that as hard as it seems smiling will make you a better person. Don't rush into things anymore. Let things flow naturally. And please just remember,
That one day, someday, everything will be okay.
I promise.
And as many times as I tell you that I hate you, remember. I will always love you. No matter how many mistake you make, I will love you when nobody else is there for you.

I repeat. I will always love you.

All I wanna do,
Is fall in love with you
<3

If you're even alive,

Who are you?
Do you ever think about me, ever wonder what I look like? Ever wonder what I sound like, ever wonder if I'm as worthless as you thought I'd be? 'Cause I'm not. You were too weak, I was born to a fucking weakling. You didn't want me? Why the fuck not? Not good enough for you? Well damn straight I am. Or maybe you regret giving me away. You ever think about finding me, telling me you're sorry? Not that I'd go back to you anyway, fucking slut. Imagine how it felt hearing "I'm not your mother." Fucking imagine it. These jackasses at school try telling me nobody loved me, they say they're lucky they know their moms.

Maybe you wanted what was best for me. Did it ever occur to you that just maybe being here isn't what I need? You could've been everything to me. But you aren't.

And you'll never read this, you'll never ever know me,
But that's not my fault.
For once I'm not the one making the fucking mistakes.

Fuck all this shit. All these bullshit friends, fuck 'em all. They don't give a fuck, not like I do. I ain't good enough for them anymore? Fuck that I'm better than damn near all of 'em & the ones I ain't know they're better, laugh at me kick me when I'm down, man I've gotta get ahold of myself.

So

Hahah. It's been a good year since I've met Mason, our anniversary was today, actually. I didn't see him at Jazz in June like I was supposed to. Speaking of Jazz in June, Mario's there today, with Kallie & Sean. I bet he's thinking of me, probably bad. We got into a fight the other night. He hid things is all I really wanna say.

This is really all just an update. Nothing's really changed. I'm still in love with two people at once, but at least now I can get over it alone.

Alone.
ha.

Morgan & I are falling to pieces, she's ... life just sucks, this year's been shit.

Update;

It's March 26th, 2011.

Mario and I broke up in January. We're still close but I feel like I should update this. We're still best friends. His new girlfriend's a good friend, and I'm trying to keep my spirits up. Kallie and I dont talk much anymore.

My freshman year is almost over. Summer will be good.

Things are so different from my last post. Kinda mindblowing.

who the fuck am i?

Mario Alberto Lopez.

That name, you. You're engraved in my heart, with all of my memories that ever meant anything to me. You're part of my life, a huge part. Getting over you, when I have to, is going to hurt me more than anything. I'm losing hope for the future, with my mother and things, I don't want to leave I dont want to be alone, I don't want to have to through a minute without you. You said we were going to try, no matter what, and it's going to be hard but I'm so glad you and I made these promises. It'll be lonely for us for a while, but just think what it'll be like when we're together again. Keep me in mind, I wont give up if you don't. We have one more month where everything goes okay before everything blows up in my face, so we're going to make it count. I love you more than anything. Olive you, that's where it all started. Back in July. The movies, where I came on to you, where you came back, (does that sound weird?). You kissed my eye, haha. The mall, where I spilled my Mcdonalds, where we kissed on every bench, GET A ROOM, well we got a room, yours. But anyways, best friend, boyfriend. I'm in love. I haven't got a clue what I've got myself into, and I'm afraid, but I believe in us, I'm trying. I never want to have to say goodbye. But truth is, since the very beginning I've known that as much as we mean to each other now we're going to end. And everytime it gets me, it breaks my heart. Just, if you keep your promise I'll keep mine. I wont give up until you do.

Te amo... more than anything. Whatever it was you said last night.

Exactly what I'm feeling.

It's been a while since I've posted something up, but I guess that when you're taken from your mother you never really cared for in the first place and thrown into a whirlwind of family and you're under all these new set of rules and feelings, ones you should feel and ones you shouldn't, you're a little sidetracked. So I apologize. But I'm back.

kfgnjkerjkghlkreg

:) 9 18 10 :D

here, in your arms.

the death of me.

i'm perfectly fine being second best.

Best Friend Photos :)

i'd outline the darkness if asked by you.

I'm the kind of girl that laughs at her mistakes, so pardon me if I laugh in your face.

Haha, I like it.

Lance is supposed to upload our photos soon.

(:

kkk.
lance came over today.
i miss him so much.
we took pictures and everything.
<3 miss you boy, it's good to see you again.