my weekend.

haha. okay, so like.
thursday, devynn calls me up and is like, 'dude come over. dad's got a pay raise and i'm dubbing it japanese movie night.' so me, being the one girl in the entire universe who's never had a japanese movie night, i ask my mom and waaahla, i'm at devynn's. and we're just chillin for a bit, playing some pokemon. and we're getting all excited about movie night cause it's movie night, and movie night just sounds like a wonderful experience hands down. and so dad's all, "CHILDREN MOVIE NIGHT TIME LETS GO." so we're at the movie place and we're digging through some movies to find japanese movies.

Guess what store in Norman Oklahoma doesn't have any japanese movies? The store we went to. ._.

so we settle for two scary movies, the fourth kind (great movie btw) and some weird movie about a boy named timmy.

and we've already decided japanese movie night was a total fail so we just demoted it to regular movie night.

and so we're diggin into some the fourth kind right? and it's over now, and so we decide to put in the other movie. ITS THE WRONG MOVIE.

instead it was something about kenya. idk. but the weekend was pretty fail.

nsn.

take photographs, take all your memories.
we've got some packing to do,
we've got some packing to do.
and my jaw aches;
repetition.

take your dreams, take all that's left to see.
write it down, sign your name, go ahead and leave.
there's nothing left to lose.

the clouds ripped through the sky like dynamite and to my surprise it was a beautiful sight
with our hands open wide

and i cant hide the truth as well as you
signing 'whoa oh oh oh,' signing 'whoa oh oh oh."

take photographs, take all your memories.
we've got some packing to do,
we've got some packing to do.
and my jaw aches;
repetition.

take your dreams, take all that's left to see.
write it down, sign your name, go ahead and leave.
there's nothing left to lose.

i've got all these dreams, that no one cares to know about
cares to dream about like me.
all these memories haunting me, seeking control...

...

i think i need you,
but i know i've lost you.

5.23.10

Well, it's official. Abe and I are together.(:

Today, I have:

Gained a boyfriend.
Lost a piercing (Infection, took it out, repiercing it when i'm older.)
Smoked my first cigarette in a few weeks with Lance & Lucas.
Been happy, sad, scared, and excited.

Now I just want summer to end so I can start high school.

lip piercing ! :D

after years of admiring people that have them, i am now one of those people. i look amazing.
it looks a little uneven, but that's not anything i can't fix.

i like abe. <3

(:

you've changed so much this past year man. but one thing has stayed the same throughout all of our changes; we were there for each other no matter what, all of eighth grade year. you don't care what they say, you believe me. seventh hour has always been one hour that passes too quickly. we've told each other so many things, i know everything about you and you know everything about me. and you still like to spend time with me. and i know you're dating hannah and it's obvious how jealous she is. i just wish she'd see that we're only best friends. and not the time of best friends you two were. you can both trust me, but yet you're the only one that believes it. you are the most amazing best friend i've had in a while, and i hope that the two of us can be this way again in our first year of high school cause we make damn good memories.
fuck benson, miss you man.

&

it's over.
it's all over.
every little bit.

seventh grade, feels like a dream. like it wasn't even real, it happened so long ago. joey. everyone, it just doesn't seem real. especially joey. i remember, i fell so hard. so fucking hard. and now, a year and a half later, i'm thinking back on it and it doesn't seem like it ever happened. like i never knew a joey idlett. like he never changed my life.

middle school and it's adventures are nothing but the past. i can close the book and read it in my thirties and cry a little. middle school is over. all those memories are finally just little kid memories.

i'm so shocked. everything is over. i can start a new adventure, whilst remembering the old ones that made me grow up.
i've changed since the sixth grade, and now sixth grade feels like it was so long ago. like a thousand years tore me and my old self apart. i'm not the same, im different. and it's all because i grew up in a school that i loved.

and now i'm going on, moving on. things are changing for me. senior year, i probably won't remember any of this. feeling this way. but i know it will have been four years ago, and that just blows my mind.

i guess this blog is weird. what hurts is that joey kid. and how long ago it was that i fell for him, but yet it feels so... so much like yesterday.

but soon, today will be nothing but another yesterday and today, too, will be over. just, like, that.

you are the one,

the one that lies close to me.
whispers, 'hello, i've missed you quite terribly.."

i loove thunder.

Thunder the cat. Which is why I cried hysterically when we couldn't take her to shelter.
Fuck Oklahoma and our bipolar weather system.

So it's okay to hurt me.

It's been a year and a half, Chaz Farris.
And even though I completely am over you in every single way, it still stings a little knowing we aren't even friends.
Actually, we haven't talked since last summer.
Well, you're still a manwhore, no doubt about it.
But that's always been easily adaptive, even when the boy wasn't you.
But when you just shun me off, my last memories of you aren't good at all.
You make me sick.
Sick.

2010!

global fair, was the best. haha.

i have a good life, but i really should fix it.

and in some ways i still think
that if i give you time,
you'll transform
back into what you were so long before,

i can't ask anymore.

i'm not at all what i was,
and i can't hold on any longer.
but i want to show you how,
it feels to know you're getting stronger.

all my hopes are crushed,
but i'm okay with that oh, oh.
as long as i've got my memories i can believe,

but what should i believe?

i'm not at all what i was,
and i can't hold on any longer.
but i want to show you how,

it feels to know you're getting stronger.
[x2]

brace yourself.

i'm always second best.
i'm either, not as pretty, not as funny, not as clingy, not as sexual, not as old, not as thoughtful.
she, was always the one they loved. i was just the sidekick.
i'll always be the sidekick.

i'm just a joke to you.

you and i are so distant now that it doesn't feel the same. missing you doesn't feel like it did before, because now i don't miss you at all.
all i do is get in your way and annoy you. i only cause, and i never clear.
and feeling like i've moved on has completely changed my outlook on life; i want you to know you changed me. you were apart of my story, but only long enough to teach me something valuable. and i guess, that when everything adds up, i'm thankful you haven't stayed any longer than you have.
you might have not known that this would happen anymore than i did, but i guess that's nature.
i was shattered, you broke my conscience and left me alone, but when you did that, you helped me adapt to abandonment.
and i used to call it all your fault, and i apologize. it wasn't your fault. it was just naturally what bestfriends were supposed to do. you left so that i could find someone else, that's what we do; that's just life. and now, thanks to you, i'm that much closer to understanding myself. thanks kayla.

ohemgeez ii have a ziit! ))):

get. fucking. real.
and learn to type! mother fuckin.


DUUUDE!
BRENDONNNN! (:

we're all whores, but some of us get paid.

here we are again.

last year, in april of 2009, i made a pact to myself; over the summer, i'd change.
now, an exact year later, i can honestly say that i have. it took much longer than two months of summer vacation, it took exactly a year, but i did it.

and now, all that's left for me to do is say goodbye to the school i've made so many memories in. the one i spent three years in, just growing up and learning. i'm not a little sixth grader anymore. i'm not a quiet, unconfident person. i'm not afraid to say something anymore. i've changed in these three years. and all the memories i've made here... good and bad, they helped me.

i made it through middle school. and that was a different adventure, a whole other adventure. i'm starting a new one, and within this new adventure, i'm going to make another pact to make another change; recognize my faults for what they are, and if they're really good or bad, and then use them in a way that can help.

i'd need a lot of help, and a lot more time... four years do it? let's hope..