if i

had one chance, i'd go back in time for just a little bit. i'd tell you i was sick, so that you wouldn't have your aunt drive you to the library. so that i wouldn't walk over the hill and when i saw that little white car my heart wouldn't beat uncontrollably, so that my mind wouldn't rush, "is that him? i sure hope that's him." so that i didn't have to see you step out of the car, sleeves torn off your shirt. you never zip your zipper. but i'd lie about being sick, of course. you wouldn't be at the library, but i would be. i'd be walking around right where we had our first kiss, right where we were half naked in that room, in your bed. i would be walking where we sat in my old school's playground with that little boy. in the grass, pulling it from the ground. i wonder where your monster can is right now. i would be walking around the football field, around the swings you pushed me in. i'd sit in the bench we kissed in at the library. i'd walk behind the library, i'd let it rain on my face, let my makeup fall off my face without you to get it off. i would walk down the streets we did, but instead i wouldn't be holding your hand in the pouring rain. you said mason would get pissed if he found out, then why'd you tell him so easily? i was a prize, but for a second, a day, a few hours, i was yours. you weren't thinking about her. sometimes, in my mind, at night, i hear "no, no, no." and i see your grin. you have me exactly where you want me and you don't even care to stick around to notice.


kaylee said you said i hate you.
just so you know, i don't.
i just miss you so much that it hurts.