So it's okay to hurt me.

It's been a year and a half, Chaz Farris.
And even though I completely am over you in every single way, it still stings a little knowing we aren't even friends.
Actually, we haven't talked since last summer.
Well, you're still a manwhore, no doubt about it.
But that's always been easily adaptive, even when the boy wasn't you.
But when you just shun me off, my last memories of you aren't good at all.
You make me sick.
Sick.

2010!

global fair, was the best. haha.

i have a good life, but i really should fix it.

and in some ways i still think
that if i give you time,
you'll transform
back into what you were so long before,

i can't ask anymore.

i'm not at all what i was,
and i can't hold on any longer.
but i want to show you how,
it feels to know you're getting stronger.

all my hopes are crushed,
but i'm okay with that oh, oh.
as long as i've got my memories i can believe,

but what should i believe?

i'm not at all what i was,
and i can't hold on any longer.
but i want to show you how,

it feels to know you're getting stronger.
[x2]

brace yourself.

i'm always second best.
i'm either, not as pretty, not as funny, not as clingy, not as sexual, not as old, not as thoughtful.
she, was always the one they loved. i was just the sidekick.
i'll always be the sidekick.

i'm just a joke to you.

you and i are so distant now that it doesn't feel the same. missing you doesn't feel like it did before, because now i don't miss you at all.
all i do is get in your way and annoy you. i only cause, and i never clear.
and feeling like i've moved on has completely changed my outlook on life; i want you to know you changed me. you were apart of my story, but only long enough to teach me something valuable. and i guess, that when everything adds up, i'm thankful you haven't stayed any longer than you have.
you might have not known that this would happen anymore than i did, but i guess that's nature.
i was shattered, you broke my conscience and left me alone, but when you did that, you helped me adapt to abandonment.
and i used to call it all your fault, and i apologize. it wasn't your fault. it was just naturally what bestfriends were supposed to do. you left so that i could find someone else, that's what we do; that's just life. and now, thanks to you, i'm that much closer to understanding myself. thanks kayla.

ohemgeez ii have a ziit! ))):

get. fucking. real.
and learn to type! mother fuckin.


DUUUDE!
BRENDONNNN! (:

we're all whores, but some of us get paid.

here we are again.

last year, in april of 2009, i made a pact to myself; over the summer, i'd change.
now, an exact year later, i can honestly say that i have. it took much longer than two months of summer vacation, it took exactly a year, but i did it.

and now, all that's left for me to do is say goodbye to the school i've made so many memories in. the one i spent three years in, just growing up and learning. i'm not a little sixth grader anymore. i'm not a quiet, unconfident person. i'm not afraid to say something anymore. i've changed in these three years. and all the memories i've made here... good and bad, they helped me.

i made it through middle school. and that was a different adventure, a whole other adventure. i'm starting a new one, and within this new adventure, i'm going to make another pact to make another change; recognize my faults for what they are, and if they're really good or bad, and then use them in a way that can help.

i'd need a lot of help, and a lot more time... four years do it? let's hope..