to see is to believe.

Over the past couple of months, I've been trying my hardest to resolve my confusion of religion, as well as what religion I follow.
Now, my journey to find and truly comprehend, is over for now.

Even as a little girl, I'd never paid much attention to God, as my Mom is not a church-goer.
When I was younger, I'd gone to a daycare owned by a family of hardcore Christians.
And when I went there, I continuously shrugged all the talk about God (they own a church in town) away from my head and continued playing Mario brothers on the Nintendo box.
When they read stories relating to Jesus Christ, I'd just listen. I'd take it in, but I wouldn't let it hit me because, even though I was a toddler, it all seemed a bit too much.
Like, really now? Take Adam and Eve as an example - Two people just show up on Earth out of nowhere completely naked and find themselves in a magical tropical land, with talking snakes and bad apples. How realistic.
Or, maybe. Jesus was just magically planted in Mary's womb, and then died and then came back to life. That does not sound at all like what we're living as. And, if it is true, I thought God didn't play favorites or have a hand in nepotism.

I'm sorry if I sound a little mockingly, I just find it hard to believe.
I am the type of person who needs physical evidence.
To see is to believe.

I've always been skeptical, if I didn't already clear that up with you. I've been skeptical of nearly everything that I never could see.
I didn't believe in spirits and souls for a while back a few years ago. And even though I believe in souls and spirits, does not equal as my beliefs on God. Let me clear that up right now.
But I ended up feeling a strong hand on spirits. I believe in fortune tellers.
But with my skepticism, I'm still open to seeing proof. I have my doubts, that he could have been here, and that he could not have been here.

But remember, the way my beliefs are centered could have been impacted by the way I had no strong religionists teaching me. Sure, it is true about my daycare. And my aunt and older cousin (on my dad's side) are both very connected to their Christian church, Calvary. But they've never really spent their time teaching me. I've gone to church before, but for shallow reasons. I take most of what Adam says as bullshit. Even though I would like to believe, I can't find the physical proof that there is, or was ever, a God.

It's hard to say, I have no idea how to put this into words. Everything can go both ways for me right now, but sometimes things can go much farther than others.

But anyways, my beliefs, I've summarized, are trapped right in the middle of Scientology and Agnosticism.
Scientology because I'm very strong minded about evolution and bacteria and things of that kind. Not that I completely believe in evolution, but think about it. We had to come from somewhere, and I say we, if we came from any type of evolutionary business or prototype, came from bacteria.

Agnosticism because the definition for agnostic is -a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God. According to Apple mac anyways. And if it takes a little of encouragement by definitions and research of agnosticism, so be it. I was convinced that I was a doubtful believer by google, apple mac, and other internet research.

I may have not explained myself or belief correctly to make you understand, but I have it all figured out and the other reason I can't make you understand is because it is extremely hard for me to put things this complicated into proper wording.

Now, just because I may have a different belief than you does not make me a bad person. I'd like you to understand that I am no different than you.

I like to play games, sports, and I like myspace (myspace.com/suckmydeeeick) and facebook.
I am physically attracted to boys, and girls are very nice. I'm friendly, and I'm strong minded.
I'm not a bad person just because I'm a little opinionated.

Thank you for your time, that is all I have to say.